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How We Love

Ever walk into a movie halfway and wonder why the characters were doing what they were doing? Imagine you walked midway into the popular movie “The Fugitive.” You see Harrison Ford running from Tommy Lee Jones – but why? Is Ford a good guy or bad guy? Tommy Lee Jones is in a police uniform – is he an upright officer of the law or is he evil? It’s crucial to know what happened in the beginning of that movie for things to make sense later on. (Spoiler alert: They’re actually both good guys.) Or how about walking into the middle of “Avengers: Infinity War” movie just as Thanos, Loki, Thor, the Black Panther and the rest of the colorful characters appear. How did these characters get this way (their appealing powers) and why are all of them in this movie?

In a similar way, in our own lives, we may have patterns in our relationships that don’t make sense. You freeze up when conflict happens in the workplace, or you attack your spouse when feeling the least bit vulnerable, or you find yourself repeating destructive patterns with a loved one – and wish it would stop. The explanation may be rooted in what happened to you in the early part of your “movie.” “Our early childhood experiences–for better or worse–teach us how to love,” say Christian therapists and authors Milan and Kay Yerkovich. “For 14 years our marriage was stuck in the same old frustrating patterns. When we looked at our first lessons in love from our families, we immediately recognized the unseen forces governing how we loved. For the first time, we understood the source of our frustrations and why we were stuck. Deep change was possible at last.” Hmmm… maybe we’re not bad guys. Maybe we’re just caught up in patterns from long ago – patterns that we didn’t choose for ourselves.

Come join us on September 14th (7-9pm) and September 15th (9am-12:30pm) as Milan and Kay bring their “How We Love” relationship workshop to EvFree to unpack and address how our attachment patterns in childhood affect how we relate in adult life. This conference is for both individuals and couples and is suitable for ages 18 and older. Visit our marriage and relationships page for more info and to register.

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